The new beer of the week is a product of those gargantuan swill-spillers Anheuser Busch: Faust. Like most good faithful beer-buying robots, I purchased it for the label - specifically, what the label says about me. This one says I am willing to make a pact with the Dark One in order to achieve full beer satisfaction. Surprisingly, it delivers.2
It's part of a series of historical beers A-B is bringing out to remind the upscale drinker that there is a long and honorable tradition behind intoxication. Faust beer, according to the label, was made for Adolphus Busch's buddy Tony Faust, owner of Faust's Oyster House and Restaurant; it also traded on the popularity of the opera "Faust" - Goudot's version, I'm guessing. A modern analog would be, say, "Willis" beer to celebrate Demi Moore's restaurateur spouse and film star.In case you were wondering, the restaurateur bit refers to his investment in Planet Hollywood, which isn't so much a restaurant as a means of overcharging you for hamburgers through clever use of nostalgia.
Also, Willis beer would have had the greatest marketing campaign ever: it would be Bruce Willis. I would buy this beer for the sole purpose of Bruce Willis, because Bruce Willis. Really, don't we all need more Bruce Willis in our lives?3 I already have a label design in mind: it's Bruce Willis staring at you in confusion because you haven't bought his beer yet. I want royalties.
HOWEVER (he said, laboriously getting to the point of this post), Charles Gounod wrote a popular version of Faust. Gérard Goudot is a sculptor whose website is decidedly more, shall we say, vintage. Also, Goudot sounds like some unholy method of fermenting wine using Dutch cheese.
Bonus... something:
Final thought: you could cut down on teen pregnancy if you just installed the child-proof lighter device on the zippers of adolescents. You wouldn't even have to change the name of the thing.
Additional final thought: my wife tells me you can foil the child-proof feature "if you just snap it off."
I rest my case.Um, ow?
SUPER EXTRA BONUS TIME! Some actual Gounod: Funeral March of a Marionette. It may sound familiar:
DOUBLE BONUS EXCLUSIVELY FOR FISH. You'll see why: Ave Maria.
1Introductory note from the next page of his archive: "Public outcry over previous color of this site - a green based on the mold that accrues on head cheese - has forced me to rethink my entire sense of aesthetics. I've scheduled this for Thursday, 2 - 4 PM." The succeeding colour is a rather lenten shade of purple, highly subdued for the mid-nineties and without any blinking text whatsoever.
2The label (pictured in link) appears to be a man in a magenta track suit with tights. Also he uses some kind of hideous reverse drop-shadow for the image, giving it that old-times scrapbook look, which is oddly appropriate in the circumstances. James, you rascal, you.
3With the possible exception of Demi Moore.
9 comments:
you can tell it's Celene Dion
monkey2009lover 1 month ago
/youtube comments
I went to a Godot production of Faust. I sat around waiting for a long time and then eventually left.
DOUBLE BONUS EXCLUSIVELY FOR FISH.
Don't ever do that again.
nice to know Lileks was no better at his work before he went insane.
Also, I think you can be forgiven for the opportunity this archive presents. So it's like two Lileks posts this year, right? I think that's enough for ANYBODY.
Also, anybody ever try this beer? I am genetically unable to buy A-B products, so I never tried it; my bet is it was a slightly darker swill.
w/v is taunting me for my inability to comment on the Honey BBQ Cheetos thread: dorde.
And no need to ever take pants off to go to the bathroom. Nah.
As for squalene... at least she's plucked her brows since then. Nothing wrong with a good, thick brow, but egads...
Also, I think grandmother had that sweatsuit, sans belt... she'd like it back.
Also, I can't read "Willis" without thinking of what they did to the Sears Tower... Grrrr.
Final thought: you could cut down on teen pregnancy if you just installed the child-proof lighter device on the zippers of adolescents.
umm....obviously he wrote this before he had an adolescent in the house. They can, actually, open child-proof caps. In fact, that may be why they are termed 'child-proof' and not 'adolescent-proof'.
I know, i know, he was pursuing what he thought was clever wordplay. But perhaps we could actually cut down on teen pregnancy through realistic sex education and easy availability of birth control?
CRAZY TALK, I KNOW.
The succeeding colour is a rather lenten shade of purple, highly subdued for the mid-nineties and without any blinking text whatsoever.
you forced me to go look.
I think the Fivehead is nostalgic for Geocities.
In fact, that may be why they are termed 'child-proof' and not 'adolescent-proof'.
Apparently once you get old enough, you're a child again. (Based on observation, not yet experience...)
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